Producer EDS
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: Note: Inspired by Mel Brooks' “The Producers”, Eddy develops a scam so impressive it simply cannot fail. With the help of his friends, his girlfriend Sadie, his big brother Eli and his girlfriend, Anna. Eddy believes that by making the worst play ever


Producer EDS

Note: Inspired by Mel Brooks' "The Producers", Eddy develops a scam so impressive it simply cannot fail. With the help of his friends, his girlfriend Sadie, his big brother Eli and his girlfriend, Anna. Eddy believes that by making the worst play ever produced that maybe a flop can be a hit. Unfortunately, his plan proves to be a little too good.

The play...The Hairless Otter VS. the Brave Hunter, written by Rolf.

"Smell it, touch it, kiss it...Kiss it. It's the motherload !"--Max Bialystock, 'The Producers: The Movie Musical'

Chapter 1—I Have A Cunning Plan

Eddy had been sitting on the sidewalk, writing up his latest schemes. As usual, his best friends, Double D and Ed were intriegued.

"What are you plotting this time, Eddy ?", Double D inquired, sitting next to him. Ed flopped down noisily, sitting down on the horn in his pants.

"Um, Ed...Why do you have a horn in your pocket ?", Eddy said, distracted.

"I'm practicing.", Ed said, a gleeful look on his clueless face.

"For...what ?", Double D added.

"To be a traffic cop ! It's my one desire !", Ed answered happily, hugging the horn and gently placing it back in his pocket.

"Riiiight. Well, before I was so rudely interrupted, I have developed the _best scam ever_. Get this, boys ! We find the worst play ever written and we charge those schmucks...um, I mean our friends in Peach Creek to pay up and sit through it !", Eddy said, rubbing his hands together greedily.

"Eddy, that makes no logical sense whatsoever, and we have seen only a _few_ of your scams actually work. What makes you think that this plot will fare any better ?", Double D said, hiding his face in his hands, embarassed to even _look_ at the notes that Eddy had taken.

"Don't be such a downer, Double D ! Hey, I think Eddy and I can do this...We need more _recruits_ for this though. I have a good feeling, really ! We can do this !", Ed said, actually making some sense for the first time. The best friends had asked for the help of their deaf friend, Samuel, his girlfriend, Sadie (Sam's sister), Eli, and Eli's girlfriend, Anna. With their cast in motion they just had to find a playwright that would make Eddy's scheme take flight.

Chapter 2—Viola, The Worst Play Ever Written

No one knew this but in his spare time, Rolf liked to write plays. He had submitted many of them to different companies, but the result was always the same. They were full of harsh criticism and bitter reviews. Rolf wasn't hurt by these remarks. It only made him want to write more and more often when he wasn't tending his flocks and doing chores around the barn.

While carrying goats milk back home, Eddy and his friends stopped him.

"What do you ne'er do wells want from Rolf ?", Rolf questioned, setting down his yoked buckets momentarily.

"We were thinking that perhaps you could lend us one of your plays. But, of course...You have to be our director.", Sadie said, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Wait just a minute...Are you sure or are you just pulling Rolf's finger ?", Rolf questioned once again. His phrasing made the others chuckle a little, but they dared not laugh lest Rolf become angry.

"No, seriously ! Could we look at your plays ?", Eli asked.

"I bet they are fascinating !", Anna interjected.

"Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase ?", all of them said together, their eyes shining. Rolf couldn't turn them down after they had done that. They were all just too adorable with their eyes sparkling like that.

"Of course, of course ! You worked my weakness with your shiny eyes. Come, Rolf will show you his latest and greatest work.", Rolf said in an exhuberant tone leading them to his study. There wasn't much to Rolf's study but he had pulled out his typed manuscript of his latest play. He handed it to Samuel and he read the title, with a raised eyebrow.

"The Hairless Otter Versus the Brave Hunter...What kind of rubbish...", he said before his sister could cover his mouth. Eddy grabbed the script quickly and then began laughing. Not only was it the worst thing he had ever read but he knew people would pay big bucks to see it.

"What do you think, hmmm ? Rolf is losing patience !", Rolf said, beginning to become irritated. He was tapping his foot in impatience and he was beginning to become upset.

Eddy didn't have to read too much into the play and he immediately made his verdict.

"It's exactly what we are looking for ! And, you, as our director, will make this the most spectacular production...EVER !", Eddy said, in an effervescant tone. Rolf was extremely pleased and began work immediately...well, as soon as he had put the milk away. Then once the last chore had been completed on the farm he began rehearsals.

Chapter 3—_Hairless Otter_ Rehearsal

Eli had been selected to perform the part of the hunter, the rest of the company were either villagers that would be eaten or part of the mob to chase the otter away. The otter was played by Ed, who was absolutely _perfect_ for the role. Rolf was a taskmaster though. By the end of the rehersals, they were so tired they had fallen over in exhaustion. But Rolf wouldn't stop until they had gotten the parts down perfectly. Right now, every member knew their part and Eddy and Double D watched in glee. But even _they_ weren't safe. They had to help with props and costumes. Double D knew this would end in pain but he wasn't about to tell Eddy that this had been a bad idea since the beginning. Ed was about to give up as well as the other cast members but when they saw Rolf in Barbarian gear...they knew they'd best not throw in the white towel and keep the rehearsal going until he was satisfied. It took a long time, but Rolf applauded them. The only problem was, they would have to come back the next day until the production was released to the public.

Chapter 4—Peach Creek Productions Presents...

Before long, the residents of Peach Creek had gathered for the play and settled into their respective seats before the show began. Rolf accompanied the play with his own accordian music. The music was horrendous and some were so annoyed that they had started to get up to leave until Ed came out on the stage. Ed was the star of the show and it certainly was obvious that he adored the limelight. Eddy had no idea that his plan was going to do so well, and the play ran for months. But, there was a huge problem. Rolf was demanding some of the profit and so were the actors. Eddy was acting very selfishly and Double D was trying to make him see how greedy he was being. If he wanted to keep the success coming, he would have to give a little and show his friends how appreciative he was of them of joining in his plot.

Chapter 5—Still Stingy

Even after Double D's sermon and being constantly nagged by his friends, Eddy was still keeping most of the profit for himself. Rolf had been civil this entire time, but he was growing irritable. This time, he wasn't going to take "no" for an answer. He walked into Eddy's office and demanded a raise.

"Listen you, money grubber ! I wrote this play. I provide the music for it. _I_ deserve more for my efforts. And you still do not do this. Rolf has ways of making you give...til it hurts !", Rolf said, beating him over the head with a huge mackarel. Not only did this hurt and make Eddy smell terrible but he had learned his lesson. A lot of the actors had quit and many of them wouldn't speak to him any longer but he would make it up to them. _The Hairless Otter Versus the Mighty Hunter_ had closed for good but Eddy had sacrificed the thing he most loved to experience the incalculable value of friendship. Although no one knew this, he had documented his progress in his journal and beamed. At last, one scheme that actually _worked_. The next time he would have to remember what he did right instead of where he had failed.

Epilogue 

The stench of mackarel had long since the scam had been long forgotten. The Eds were out playing street hockey with the rest of the residents of Peach Creek. Eli and Anna had returned to their home in Apricot Valley, which was quite a distance from Peach Creek, but they would return someday to visit as they usually did.

"Don't just stare at the ball, dorkazoid, kick it !", Kevin shouted at Double D while he was distracted by a voluptous Nazz, but what hormonal, prepubescent teenager _wouldn't_ be sidelined by Nazz ? Double D kicked the ball hard, much to Kevin's surprise. Samuel took the ball and kicked it forcefully. Eddy's team had made another goal, thanks to Sammy. Sammy was the hero of the day once more.

"That guy _always_ wins it...Dude's got mad skills.", Kevin said, in a mutter. He would never say so within earshot around the Eds least he ruin his bully reputation. The sun had set and Kevin's team went one way to end the day with dinner at the Pizza Jester as Eddy's team went to Shake and Steak to celebrate. It would use what little money he had left but it was worth it to appreciate his friends.

The End

January 9, 2006


End file.
